


How Am I Supposed to Live Without You?

by IvanW



Series: The Professor-Cadet [22]
Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Cadet Kirk, Ficlet, First Meeting, Light Angst, M/M, One Shot, Professor Spock, Starfleet Academy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-13
Updated: 2018-09-13
Packaged: 2019-07-11 21:23:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,065
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15980783
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IvanW/pseuds/IvanW
Summary: Inspired by the Michael Bolton song, Jim's romantic dreams are crushed. Or are they?





	How Am I Supposed to Live Without You?

Jim Kirk stood outside the apartment door, his stomach in knots, his head pounding, his pulse going a mile a minute. He heard the footsteps approach so he knew it was too late to turn away.  Not that he could have done so anyway.

The door opened.

“Jim!”

He was pulled in then, in a tight bear hug, the door closed shut with a kick.

“God, I’d hoped it was you.”

Jim hugged him back, closing his eyes as he fell into the embrace.

“You’re wet. Is it raining?”

Jim nodded. “Yeah. Sorry.”

A gentle laugh. Jim loved that laugh. He hiccupped and pulled away. Smiled.

“It’s true then?”

“You heard?”

“Bones told me.”

“I was going to tell you myself. But well.” A sigh. “I have to admit I’m glad I didn’t have to. I know what you’re thinking.”

Jim doubted that. His friend didn’t know at all.

He’d raised a hand to Jim’s face, resting it there. Most people who witnessed their closeness would probably imagine they were much closer than friends. Jim wanted to imagine that himself. But it had never been more. And now, never would be.

“I could hardly believe it when I heard,” Jim admitted. “Tell me all about it.”

“Well. Come over here. Sit down.”

Jim took the seat on the couch. His friend sat down across from him.

“I know this probably seems crazy to you. It means leaving the Academy, but…well.”

“She’s worth it,” Jim guessed.

That earned him a blindingly bright smile. “Yeah. We’re going to Rigel 5. We’ll get married there. She wants to start a family right away and—”

His friend went on and on about it but Jim had stopped listening.  He’d heard enough, anyway.

“When are you leaving?” Jim was finally able to ask.

“Oh.” A long pause. “Tomorrow. I know it’s sudden. But that’s when the ship leaves and if we don’t go then, well, it won’t be for another six months. I don’t want to wait, Jimmy.”

“Tomorrow,” he whispered.

“Yeah. Listen. I hate long goodbyes anyway.”

“I know, but…we’ve been best friends since we were five years old.” There were so many times Jim had gone crying to him in Riverside after dealing with Frank. And then the two of them had even gone through Tarsus IV together. No one else had been through that with him. No one understood how that was, but him.

“We still are best friends, Jimmy,” he insisted. “This doesn’t change _anything_.  We’ll keep in touch.”

Jim smiled and nodded, even though it was a lie. It had been his experience that the lie was well-meaning, but a lie nevertheless.

When Pike had talked him into joining, he had talked his friend into coming with him. Jim had known then that it wasn’t _his_ dream, but they were inseparable. 

Or they had been.

As if reading his thoughts, his friend said, “You could come too. Come with us to Rigel 5. Make a new life. You don’t have to do this just because your dad did. You aren’t George Kirk.”

For a moment, Jim considered it. After all, at the moment, he couldn’t conceive of a life without his friend. He was never going to have the romantic love he craved, and it was painful to realize that would never come true, but he could still have his friendship.

But then seeing his friend with a wife, with a love, well, Jim wasn’t strong enough. Not for that.

“No.” Jim shook his head. “You should start this life without me. It’s-it’s good. We’ve been relying on each other for too long. You need to do that and I need to do this.”

“If you’re sure?”

Jim smiled again. Threatened to break his face but he smiled.  “Positive.” He stood. “And now I should go. You need to get ready, pack. And I have some…stuff to do as well.”

His friend nodded and walked with him to the door. “I’ll contact you from Rigel 5.”

Sure.

“Of course.” Jim threw his arms around him. This was the last time he would feel these arms around him. And he knew it.

After he left, he walked for a long time, not really knowing where he was going. He felt pain and loss like a physical thing. Should he have made his move before? Would it have even been welcome? He’d waited and hoped and hoped and waited.

He’d been living that dream for as long as he remembered. And now it was over.

At some point, Jim sat down in front of a building, and pulled his legs to his chest. He was exhausted. His face was wet from crying and also the misty rain that had been going on for the last half hour.

Suddenly two legs encased in black appeared before his vision. Jim didn’t even look up.

“You are distressed.”

Jim nodded wearily.

“Do I need to contact someone to assist you?”

“No. Thanks. I’m okay.”

There was a long pause and for a moment, Jim expected the guy to walk away.

“My apologies, but you do not appear to be _okay_.”

Jim finally glanced up and saw a Vulcan man staring down at him. He seemed vaguely familiar but at the moment Jim could not place him. He then glanced at the building he sat against and saw the words **Vulcan Embassy**.

“No, I really am all right.”

The Vulcan nodded. “Very well.” He turned and began to walk away. Then he stopped and looked back at Jim. “Would you care to accompany me for tea?”

“I’m not much of a tea drinker.”

The Vulcan nodded again and turned to begin walking away. Jim frowned at the uniform he wore. It was an instructor’s uniform from the Starfleet Academy.

_Oh._

Professor Spock.

No wonder he looked familiar. Bones had a class with him and said he was a bitch as a teacher. He was cute though, Jim thought.

Spock stopped again, turned to look at Jim. “They do offer coffee selections as well.”

Jim wiped at his face and then tried a smile. “Now you’re talking.” He got up from the ground and brushed off the seat of his pants. “Kirk.”

“Spock.”

“Nice to meet you, Spock.”

“And you, Mr. Kirk.”

His smile widened. “It’s Jim.”

Spock began to walk again and Jim fell into place beside him. 

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [(Fanart) How Am I Supposed to Live Without You?](https://archiveofourown.org/works/18491842) by [Mylochka](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mylochka/pseuds/Mylochka)




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